Sunday, 15 June 2014


[nee-ol-uh-jiz-uh m]
1. a new word, meaning, usage, or phrase.
2. the introduction or use of new words or new senses of existing words.
3. a new doctrine, especially a new interpretation of sacred writings.
4. Psychiatry. a new word, often consisting of a combination of other words, that is understood only by the speaker.

When Ryan was little he didn't communicate in a typical developmental way. Ryan has never been typical. He spoke late and when he did start speaking he had his own 'funny' little language, that I had just about tuned into and could sort of understand, but no one else could not even his dad. 

Throughout his life Ryan has said some of the strangest and sometimes highly inappropriate things, but this post is going to focus on some of the funniest of things he has come out with. To which friends and family now simply brush off with a shoulder shrug and smirk as “well that’s Ryan for you….”

· Speech Therapist (ST): How do we keep dry during rain?
Ryan: Use a towel.

This shows Ryan picking up on the literal word of dry. Obviously we were expecting an answer of umbrella.

· ST: How do we keep warm during winter?
Ryan: Use a blow torch or swallow a lighter.

· ST: What do we wear to go swimming?
Ryan: I can’t go swimming because I am 50% fire. (We are not 100% sure what Ryan meant by this. I think it has to do with his Pokemon obsession.)

· What you and I call shoes, Ryan calls – Footprotectors. (see the logic).

· One day he lost a toy gun and asked me to help him find it. I said “Don’t worry it can’t have gone far.” To which he replied “It won’t have gone anywhere it hasn’t got legs.”

· I asked him once as I was helping to dress him. “Pass me your legs.” (so I could put his socks on). His response, “I can’t give you my legs mummy, how will I walk?”

· What you and I call foxes, Ryan calls – City wolves.

· Freezebumps – No point calling them goose-bumps. Geese have feathers to keep warm.

· Still to this day he won’t use a knife. Why? “Never trust a man with a knife mummy.”

· I asked Ryan to go across the road to our local shop recently to get me a 4 pint of milk. He duly went and returned with NO milk. Why? They only had 2 litre bottles.

· Animals – Organic TeddyBears

· Ryan looked at me confused and says “Mum can you be more ocean please.” Excuse me? “Mum you need to be more pacific.” Oh ha ha… He didn’t realise he had said anything wrong, honestly thought it was the correct word and to this day we say ‘be more ocean…’

· I have got a box in the kitchen that has snack bars & biscuits in for the boys. I asked Ryan “Can you move those rice cakes please, in that box.” (meaning can you take them out for me). Can you guess what he did instead? Yes. Moved them around in that box……..

Three of his favourite sayings that are not really unique to him, he has plagiarised them from else where, but he loves it all the same:

· Not naming any fingers or pointing any names (source unknown).
· Excuse me for interrupting while you are talking (source unknown).
· TwitFaceTagram (apparently from one of his hero’s Ray William Johnson, a YouTuber).

The school that Ryan attends is in the process of building a brand new school and all the children were asked to submit names for the 6 new teaching blocks under construction. Ryan chose 'Halflife' worlds I believe. He didn't win. Instead the blocks have been named after local rivers. When he found out he said to me "But we are told not to play in the rivers. So now you are telling me it's okay to have Maths in the Twyi?

Ryan absolutely HATES having his hair cut. He has never coped with the ritual and it takes us weeks and weeks between each cut, building him up again and sometimes attempting bribery, anything that will get him through the torture as he calls it. We tried once and once only to take him to a barbers it was one of the most stressful experiences we have ever attempted and NEVER again. His dad instead cuts his hair. 

The reason Ryan's dislikes it so much is because he says he can feel each hair being 'murdered' (his words) and can hear them screaming in pain. He recently 'invented' this little song that he sings to himself as he is being tortured. The song is a mix of a calming Winnnie the Pooh meets Freddy Krueger because hair cuts should be nice like Winnie, but instead are a nightmare like Freddy (not that Ryan has ever seen the films obviously). I bet you would like to know the song....Thought so. It is to the tune of the Freddy Kruger song....

1,2 Winnie the Pooh

3,4 Piglet at your door
5,6 Eeyore's house of sticks
7,8 Tigger will keep you up late
9,10 Tea at rabbit's den

One of the things Ryan is ‘famous’ for is bottling things up and he 
particularly remembers negative thoughts which will then affect him days/weeks/months later. One day he came home and said the sweetest thing:

The past should be left in the past; otherwise it can destroy your future. Live life for what tomorrow has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away.

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